You can't special order awesome
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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