I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
