he shaved USA in his pubs
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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