He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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