a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize