The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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