Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
