have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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