yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
