Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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