i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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