I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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