dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
