So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
