your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
