So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
