I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
