It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
