Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
