Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
