sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my phone needs a breathalizer
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
