Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
