turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
