Porn is love you can see.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
