The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize