Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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