okay pat passed out under dana's car
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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