i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
