She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can't motorboat a personality
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
