your parents love me but you hate me
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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