You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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