you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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