Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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