well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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