You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
