If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
