theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
