Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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