I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
