i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
