Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
