you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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