I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
