i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize