On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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