someone get that fucking seahorse.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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