He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
