I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
only you would photoshop your dick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
