Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
