There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
