I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize