You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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