I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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