I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
