It's like God shit irony all over that family
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
