His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
