watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
