i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
