so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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