I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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