You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
