Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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