**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
