boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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