Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
