you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
