Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
