wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
