are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
