Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
