Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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