did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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