youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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