Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
