is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
