you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
