My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize