I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
