I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
