Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
