I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
