Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
