I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
