Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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