I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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