I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
