So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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