she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
