All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize