If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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